I know this time of year is suppose to be about peace. The ironic thing is I am. Just in time for Christmas.
I come home around 4 am, feed the cat, take a shower and plop on my bed. First thing I do is check my tumblr and see what’s new. What’s the first thing I see ? Your pretty little feet and Elvis. I smiled and laughed to myself. I have come to a crossroads where peace lives. I’m at peace. I want to thank you for all the great moments you shared with me. I know now how severe and sickening my lies and behavior were. I would not even begin to scratch the surface of forgiveness if someone did that to me. I think about it all the time and shutter with embarrassment. I think you are beyond over the situation at the point but I feel obligated to apologize once again for playing you like a fool and this is probably not the last time I do so. I hate myself yet know what’s done is done. You deserve the best. A great partner that bends over backward for you. Goes far and beyond out of their way to see your happiness. I feel much better today than I have over the last few months. I still laugh inside about all if our wild times. I hope you you let me see you one last time for coffee or whatever. I really want to say goodbye and officially close this riveting yet tragic novel we call us. Merry Christmas and have a great 2014. I hope and full of opportunity. I love our memories and NO one can take them from me. Peace.
You’re still up.
I’m still up.
Why we are separated is still a mystery to me. I won’t tell a soul that we hang out. I know that is what you worry about. I wish you could just forget reputations and what these clowns might say Just let go and fall back to where you belong. Here with me. Maybe I’m jealous, but I know deep down you think the same way. I know because your intellectuality matches mine. Your passion mirrors mine. Your sex drive passed mine. Your lips are built for mine. I won’t just go away without waving my flag. I wish I were prescribed you. The difference is now I miss you more than ever. Days wind on and I feel more and more attracted. Soon I possibly may not be a free man and I have thought about how much I may think then. Who holds you? You makes you smile now? Who makes you laugh? I want to hear you mimic me by saying “nooooo” I want to see the joy I once saw. I know it’s over, but I’m not the “give up” type. I’m not bitter just feeling lost and most of my intimate thoughts lead to you.